Let Me Give You a Little Tip

While I was away last week, I was giving some thought to the matter of tipping.  I think it started when I noted the tip jar as I got myself an ice cream cone.  I didn't leave a tip, although I'm told I should have.

There is a book about tips and tipping that was recently written by a former waiter, who made a name for himself after writing a restaurant tell-all anonymously and then saying, "what the hell" and going public.  All I know about tipping has to do with restaurant dining-in.  I have always wondered if I was tipping maids enough, and how much to tip someone who carries my luggage or drives a taxi, as well as someone who carries my luggage into and out of the taxi he (she) is driving.  Keep the Change seemed like it might have the answers.

What it did have was not as much entertainment as the first book by Dublanica, but some surprises.  He did attempt to entertain, himself and his readers, by dealing with tipping people like strippers.  And most of his information had to do with tipping people I'll never want or need to employ, like limo drivers (that are taking you to visit strippers).

The essential point that I took from the book was that the harder you work, the less of a tip you are warranted.

Imagine my surprise to learn that when I leave a maid $5 a day, I am overtipping.  I mean, it takes her more time to clean my tub and toilet than for a parking attendant to park my car.  And for another thing, it is a far more disgusting job, and to my mind, therefore deserving of greater appreciation.

Not so.  According to Dublanica, a maid should get $2 to $3 per day, while the parking attendant could get $5, especially if you want him to take good care of your car, and be really attentive to you.

A good barista, one who really knows how to draw that lovely dollop of whatever onto your caffeinated beverage, deserves a dollar for that fancy (and overpriced) coffee; a bartender gets a dollar for the drink.  Basically, that's half of what your maid gets for cleaning your entire room.

And how about the guy who served me my ice cream cone? Why on earth do places like that (or that "coffee bar") solicit tips?  I think it goes way back to why we tip Pullman porters, which is that originally they were freed slaves and of course weren't paid anything like a living wage, so the Pullman Company had the genius idea of convincing passengers to tip the man.

And so, increasingly, whenever an employer doesn't pay living wages, you are likely to find a tip jar.  And yet...

You're going to tip that ice cream guy, right?  But do you tip the high school student -- or the "retired" senior -- at McDonald's?  My guess is no, even though they are likely to be earning the same or less than the ice cream guy.

And my favorite story about tips is the idiot in the Louisiana legislature who introduced a bill making it illegal for library workers to accept a plate of cookies from a patron.  And you might want to check for yourself; it is quite likely that they earn less than the ice cream guy.

So what is my point?  I really dislike tip jars, because what it means these days is that the employees are not making adequate wages.  Here we are in a country where one percent of individuals can't shovel their profits into tax havens fast enough, and our less-than-esteemed members of Congress are afraid that raising the minimum wage would destroy our economy.  (Is that a paean to small business I hear?)

It also pisses me off that the harder you work, the less you are seen to be deserving of a tip, and the smaller a tip needs  to be.

We need to take a good look at people like farm workers and maids, child care workers and fast food employees.  Because right here and now they are invisible.  They aren't even the tier that guilt us into giving a decent tip.

As far as tipping, it has become, much like the Pullman days, the means by which employers squeeze more profit, and the way we make those who do an honest day's work beg to be paid.

Meanwhile, I'll continue to leave 20 percent to my waiter,  because it's an old habit, and I'll leave $3 a day to the maid, although I really believe she deserves more.  The barista?  I'd as soon leave the harried McDonald's worker a dollar than pay a dollar for a cup of coffee, but I won't do that either.

What I really want to do is stop having to be one of the persons who decide whether you are going to go home with an adequate day's pay.  It's time for employers to recognize and compensate, and stop whining about the cost to do business.