Losses All Around

Bizarre dreams this morning.  My daughter and her fiance were leaving for home, which is far, far away, and I probably will not see her again for nine or ten months.


So why were my dreams about my job?  Because they are both great losses that I am experiencing, and yes, maybe with my daughter still sleeping under my roof it was easier for my brain to handle my job losses.


And they are not losses as in losing my job, although with my increasing unhappiness and management's megalomania, it could happen, too.  These losses are for a job I once loved despite poor pay and weekend hours and painful injuries that I am still trying to cope with.


I dreamed about a library-like place, where I couldn't find a person's books, staring at the computer and wanting it to work right, while someone else came along and got on the computer, threatening to lose the data that I had pulled up.  And I had been working by myself, and not known where the person who was supposed to be working with me had gone, while other people lined up looking patiently disgruntled.  And then, when everyone had gone, I tried to find my co-worker, but returned to find someone I didn't know sitting at my desk, who claimed to work reference, but couldn't say it convincingly.


And then at the end, there was the manager/cheerleader of the branch, directing a strange new program where at the end of the shift, we were all to fill up one row of some food/nourishment stuff, systematically, for the people to come after us.  And I was so lost, and so behind, that I never got to eat the food stuff, which whole thing seemed like nonsense and a waste of time anyway.


And then I woke up, and had to say good-bye to my daughter.


So the question became, where do I blog about this?  Does it go more appropriately in my personal blog, or my work blog? They are heartbreaking losses each in their own way.  But the loss I am experiencing at the library, where anyone who speaks up gets squashed by the director, the board, and the sycophants reflects the loss of a quality of life.  While we are celebrating all the good that the internet has brought, we are burning our books, or, in our case, "recycling" them.


Each time my daughter leaves I deal with the loss of her in my life, and it's the way it should be.


But the loss of our libraries, under the delusion of moving forward, is the one that I believe will haunt me for the rest of my life.

Dashed

So once again I went out on that limb and tried to call attention to things that are terribly wrong at work.  This time I insisted on doing it anonymously, and I'm glad I did.


The response I got was the party line.  All the things that are going on are for the good, and done with everyone's knowledge.  And if I have any complaints, I should go to my supervisor.  Who will then tell me the same thing, but maybe not as nicely.  And then will supervise my next evaluation.


So, in conclusion, let me once again say how much I admire the whistle-blowers.  Not the cowardly sneaky thing I just did, but people who go forward publicly, and face damnation from the public and those in charge.  The reason stupid and bad things happen is not so much that people don't talk, but that people don't listen.

The Sound of His Own Voice

The Mad Director has taken full control, and I can't even begin to keep on top of the weirdness that is going on here.

There is the insanity of taking a place which budget is on thin ice and eliminating overdue fines from children's books (isn't that sweet; almost as though he is doing something nice for the children by not having the parents be as responsible for their borrowing as they would for adult materials).  The first result of that decision was to order the staff to harass the other borrowers whenever they had any fine at all on their record, and not just collect fines upon the three-year renewal of their account.  The second result is the need to now increase fines on adult materials.

I am watching this impulsive, power-driven personality make decisions that are destructive and wondering how far it will go.

What blows me away is the disinformation that he passes for fact:

•  99 % of staff evaluations were "good and honest".  (What on earth does that mean, and how on earth would you know?)
• "Staff" really liked the customer service training presented on Staff Day.  I wonder how that information was garnered; apparently, I missed the anonymous feedback forms that must have been collected from staff.
• Circulation is up because of the "floating collection".  Actually, circulation is up because patrons can now check out hundreds of DVD's at a time instead of the prior limit of five.

This is a dude who is such a narcissist that reality is totally in his head.  I have heard that he is one not to be disagreed with.  I have an internal conflict with wanting to stay under his radar versus speaking my mind in order to do the right thing. This is not good.

I am not under the radar.

So we'll see what happens.  I know that, like Santa (the Bad Santa variety), he listens in to see whose naughty or nice.  He has let us all know that he has access to our library borrowing records, our internet communications, and the Staff Forum he initiated.

As narcissists do, he has also made himself very public.  I look forward to going to Board meetings, and I promise to read the minutes of all the staff meetings that get sent along to us mice, as disturbing as they are.

This is a small place, but it is turning out to be a real microcosm of what can go wrong when the wrong person is in control.