Losses All Around

Bizarre dreams this morning.  My daughter and her fiance were leaving for home, which is far, far away, and I probably will not see her again for nine or ten months.


So why were my dreams about my job?  Because they are both great losses that I am experiencing, and yes, maybe with my daughter still sleeping under my roof it was easier for my brain to handle my job losses.


And they are not losses as in losing my job, although with my increasing unhappiness and management's megalomania, it could happen, too.  These losses are for a job I once loved despite poor pay and weekend hours and painful injuries that I am still trying to cope with.


I dreamed about a library-like place, where I couldn't find a person's books, staring at the computer and wanting it to work right, while someone else came along and got on the computer, threatening to lose the data that I had pulled up.  And I had been working by myself, and not known where the person who was supposed to be working with me had gone, while other people lined up looking patiently disgruntled.  And then, when everyone had gone, I tried to find my co-worker, but returned to find someone I didn't know sitting at my desk, who claimed to work reference, but couldn't say it convincingly.


And then at the end, there was the manager/cheerleader of the branch, directing a strange new program where at the end of the shift, we were all to fill up one row of some food/nourishment stuff, systematically, for the people to come after us.  And I was so lost, and so behind, that I never got to eat the food stuff, which whole thing seemed like nonsense and a waste of time anyway.


And then I woke up, and had to say good-bye to my daughter.


So the question became, where do I blog about this?  Does it go more appropriately in my personal blog, or my work blog? They are heartbreaking losses each in their own way.  But the loss I am experiencing at the library, where anyone who speaks up gets squashed by the director, the board, and the sycophants reflects the loss of a quality of life.  While we are celebrating all the good that the internet has brought, we are burning our books, or, in our case, "recycling" them.


Each time my daughter leaves I deal with the loss of her in my life, and it's the way it should be.


But the loss of our libraries, under the delusion of moving forward, is the one that I believe will haunt me for the rest of my life.